I hate it when things don’t go my way.
I pretend I’m ok with it, but I’m super irritated.
When I was younger, I’d show my anger especially when things don’t go to plan on my holidays.
As I got older, I discovered it was a waste of energy to be angry over these miniscule things.
But it’s so hard not to react especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed and/or hangry.
Like the other day when I changed my schedule because the lady said if I don’t do this today, I won’t be able to get my next appointment fixed for the day that I want.
Then after I change MY LIFE, I was told that the info that first lady gave me was incorrect. I didn't have to change MY LIFE.
Don’t you hate it when someone tells you one thing - and then it’s not true, and you took it as the truth?
Anyways - something as silly as that got me riled up. I had my “angry-you-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about-I-am-right” voice on the phone.
And I couldn’t help myself. I was really angry and I gave the 2nd lady my piece of mind. I know it’s not her fault. She was good tho; she just let me rant. And when it was over, when all I could muster was - “What do I do now? ⠀
She calmly said “Let me check if the report is back. And I’ll call you back.” ⠀
So... what was supposed to happen did happen as originally scheduled. I apologised to her when I saw her.
But I felt embarassed and angry NOW with myself for not getting my #yogazen on ; for not being patient. ⠀
That feeling stayed with me till I taught class the next day. The intention of the class was PATIENCE. Then I realised how angry some of them looked, so I called them out when they were in their 10th or so downward dog. ⠀
“You all look angry! Are you angry?” They all laughed and nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with being angry, feel it come and ask yourself why? It’s just yoga. What’s possible if you give up the struggle?”
The lightbulb moment happened to me after they finished their 5th Wheel -
“Can you forgive your body for what it is today? Can you forgive yourself?
I FORGIVE YOU SOPHIE.”
Forgive yourself! So you can stop being angry.