Photo by Stoica Ionela on Unsplash
As I’m writing this, self-doubt and the “imposter syndrome” creeps into my mind. I’m thinking who am I to help others since I don’t have a success story. Why would you read this? Why would you listen to me? Why would you come to my class?
But if not me, then who? Writing is healing for me, and like teaching, it’s my way of being of service.
I know what it feels to have had a blighted ovum, a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage and multiple unsuccessful implantations.
So really I’m not here to tell you how to have a successful implantation but rather share with you the lessons I’ve learnt, and how I am able to stay calm and centred, despite everything that has happened.
For obvious reasons, I didn’t escape unscathed from the emotional turmoil of the sadness, grief, the hopelessness, the devastation but in time, my nervous system automatically put a bubble around my heart, so I didn’t need to feel anything.
It manifested itself in my extreme reading habits/addiction, where I found my escape from reality.
I do recognised it as my protective armor, like a mask - a feeling of numbness and disassociation that came over me but I knew it kept me safe, while I tended to the parts of myself that needed healing.
Going through multiple FETs (Frozen Egg Transfer) and the 2WW (Two Week Wait) is a really painful and traumatic experience that I don’t wish even on my worst enemies, but if you do have to do this, my heart is with you. It’s never easy decision to keep moving forward and you are so brave and so strong.
And know that no matter how many times you google on how to have a successful implantation or even if you do everything perfect for the 2WW - everything is pre-determined. So you did nothing wrong.
And I believe that as long we know in our hearts, that we’ve tried our best to support our womb, our embaby, our mind and our hearts, we will survive whatever gets thrown at us.
I may write another post on how you can advocate for yourself if you experienced more than 2 implantation failures but for now, I’m sharing my ritual and self care tools that has benefited my mental and emotional health that I know will sustain us beyond our baby-making years.
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Tip 1: START a Self-Care Fertility Ritual
When you are struggling with infertility, everything is uncertain, and the only thing that is certain and won’t change is a routine or ritual that you can cultivate, so that when you’re NOT at your best, the same old routine will keep you grounded and focused on doing something familiar that is within your control.
And if possible to start it now - and not wait until the last minute, because it takes practice. It takes practice to learn to rest, and let go of your todo list, your fears and your worries.. It takes practice to accept and forgive yourself, if things don't go the way it should go.
Practice is essential so that the body remembers what to do and what it feels like to be calm when the mind gets frantic and overwhelmed.
But if you are about to start your transfer protocol or in the middle of it, it’s not too late either.
And in a worst case, if you do need to do the FET cycle more than once, then you can re-assess and tweak what worked and what didn't and where you can do better.
It’s as simple as listing down the things you do on a daily basis, that you do on autopilot, and do it mindfully. And if you can, add in your choice of a relaxation practice like yoga.
Below is my morning and evening ritual from my last FET:
Morning:
5 mins yoga stretch
Brush teeth
Boil water
Chicken Essence
Ordered Starbucks Oat Hojicha Tea Latte
Spirit baby meditation
Journal
Breakfast (It’s in here because I always forget to eat my breakfast)
Evening
Ginger Tea/bone broth
Prepare pills for next day
Moxibustion (Stop after Transfer day)
2 Fertility yoga poses
Yoga nidra (on the bed)
Slathered magnesium body lotion on my feet and calves.
TIP 2: SHIFT YOUR MINDSET
I know it's really hard to be positive especially if you have experienced pregnancy losses or BFNs.
But the 2WW is something we need to go through for that one chance for our baby, and I knew I had to find a way to steady my heart because what is important to me during the 2WW is to create a happy and cozy "home" for my embabies to nuzzle in comfortably.
And that starts with shifting my mindset, and changing the words I say to myself.
I started with changing the words "dreaded" to what I want to feel instead during the 2WW.
Instead of the "Dreaded 2WW", it became "the Nourishing 2WW" and that totally transformed the way I prepared myself for my FET.
From "I'm afraid" - I tell myself
I am safe
I trust my body
I trust my womb
I trust that what I'm doing is the right for right now
"I'm too old to be a mother" to
I am worthy of motherhood. I deserve to be a mother,
TIp 3: When you think you have surrendered, surrender some more
This is something I discovered newly this year from Gabby Bernstein, that even though I have been flexing my “letting go” muscle consistently, it’s not enough because I was still trying to control and plan the worst case scenario outcome.
What a kerfuffle.
The future hasn’t happen and yet we have a tendency to catastrophise the future. We And then feel guilty for having those negative thoughts and blaming ourselves when things go wrong.
And so, on top of trying to let go of things that’s beyond my control (which is sooooo hard but I got no choice, because that’s the only I can get peace), I’m also working on being in the energy of the good things already happening to me, and giving over (not giving up) the outcome to the universe.
So practise surrendering. This is a great lifeskill, I promise you.
Read more about my Word for 2023 - Surrender
Tip 4: Develop healthy habits
Ironically I only started taking a hard look at my daily habits when I was about to do my first FET.
I realised I’m not drinking water, not having good sleep and not having enough proten.
It’s around the time that I started my replacing my toiletries and housebold products to clean and non-toxic items.
Get enough quality sleep
Increase your water and electrolyte consumption
Reduce your caffeine consumption
Relax and reduce stress (creating the self-care ritual does help)
Moderate exercise and movement promote circulation and are good for mental health
Start replacing your everyday products to clean non-toxic items Read about my low-tox journey
Tip 5: Schedule activities that gives you joy
These are some of the activities on my list:
Dinner dates with hubster
Watch movies
Reading trashy novels
Going for dinner / brunch with girlfriends
Hang out with nieces/nephews
Go to a a concert or find a live band music bar (sans alcohol)
Envision your next holiday on your bucket list (where would you go)
And more…
P.S. And I still do all these even today. My list keeps growing.
That’s it!
My 5 tips that can help you be more mentally and emotionally prepared for your FET, 2WW and beyond
This is where you need to do the work. I believe that we all know what to do in terms of what makes us feel good, what works for us and what fits our schedule.
You don’t have do everything - just take one small action each day. Choose something you can start now that resonates with you.
That’s what I did. I have a serious case of overwhelm-istis. So I didn’t get to all these at one go! I do have a practice asking myself after every cycle - how can I do better? What can I add? What can I take out?
I believe in you. You have to the power to heal yourself . Trust that whatever you choose is the right one for right now.
And if you want to learn powerful yoga self care tools, you are always welcome to my Yoga for Self-Care class every Tuesday 8pm SGT 8am EST. Click here to register for class.
With love Sophie. x
