Hello! It's been a while. I've been trying to decide how to integrate my "IVF life" with the "yoga life I've built here on sophiexsanders.com
This space has always been about inspiring YOU to live LIFE with courage and kindness through the Practices of Yoga and I try to be as real as I can.
The thing is IVF is now part of my life and I feel it’s important to talk about my journey because firstly writing helps me heal, and so I can help others too, by sharing my story.
This will be the first in a series of posts I write about my IVF journey.
I may thrown in some fertilty lingos and abbreviations, you can click here if you want to know what I'm talking about.
I won't be sharing everything on the blog but what I do share, I hope will be a light to those struggling with infertility especially if you are above the age 40. If you don’t want to miss a future post and to get my most personal stories and details of my journey, sign up for my Braving Infertility Mailing List.
Photo by Kristine Weilert on Unsplash
As some of you know, I’ve been on the IVF rollercoaster for a few years now. I shared a little bit of my story last year which you can read here.
I know some of you may not be able to relate, and that’s completely fine. You can definitely stop reading.
But there will be quite a few of you who can relate, who are curious, who have been there yourselves, or wondering if IVF is right for you or you know of someone who is currently dealing with infertility.
If so, this might help you understand and also be just the information you/they need to know they are NOT ALONE.
I know it can be helpful to hear what led us to the decision to start IVF.
Everyone's story is different, but mine started the same like every other women - we have a strong desire in our hearts to have a child.
Mine also started when my nieces stole my heart.
I always like to joke that I started puberty late at age 40. My boobs had a major growth spurt. AND the horrible menstrual cramps that had some of my girlfriends bed-ridden and curled up in pain - which I never gotta experience during the 1st 40 years of my life - hit me with a vengeance.
I also never thought I'd get married. I was with my best friend and the love of life (they are one of the same ahah) for a long time, and marriage was never in the cards; and neither was having babies. We were happy.
Then my 1st niece arrive. And the 2nd one - I don't know what it was about the girls. but me & T started talking about babies. And although we laugh about it now, but the talk of marriage nearly broke us up but T made up for it by proposing to me in the most romantic city in the world - PARIS.
So we got married and decided - IVF would be the quickest route to go.
First, let me bust the myth - IVF is not a quick solution to get a baby. (they don’t advertise that, do they?)
I personally know of 3 couples above age 40 getting pregnant on the 1st IVF cycle.
But according to a study done by Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA), the odds of having a baby on the first IVF attempt is 29.5%. This stays steady through your fourth attempt but the chance of having a baby jumps up to 65% by the 6th attempt.
Another myth is that IVF is a luxury. It’s not cheap for sure. The cost is roughly S$16-S$25K per cycle at a private hospital costs vs S$10-S$15K in a government hospital. But it is an unfortunate expensive necessity for most of us going through IVF.
We decided to go private because we preferred to pay for service, privacy and attentiveness. We didn’t think we would get that at a government hospital and in addition, because I didn't qualify for govt co-funding since I'm over 40, so might as well make better use of our time and money.
That's also the reason why we chose our doctor, Dr Roland Chieng at Virtus Fertility Centre, because he doesn't do delivery so we know that he'll be focused solely on getting us pregnant.
Photo Credit: Virtus Fertility Centre (taken from Straits Times)
And that was how we decided to start IVF.
Here's a timeline of our 3 years IVF journey:
2018
We did 4 IVF cycles, each lasted for about 8-12 days on average, which involved countless of injections in the belly (“stimming”) and in the arm (for blood test to test hormone levels), doctor appointments, and permanent bloatedness.
This gave us 9 beautiful Day 5/6 blastocysts, which were then frozen.
The idea of doing STIMMING back to back is because we wanted to get as many “younger” eggs as possible.
End of 2018 - Due to complications, I had both tubes removed, to better the chances of implantation.
2019 -2020 - We did 5 FETs, which involved taking oestrogen pills and having daily progesterone inserts into my woo woo during the 2WW.
I experienced a blighted ovum in my 1st FET and a chemical pregnancy in my 4th. Both are a form of miscarriage / pregnancy loss where you’ll have a positive HCG as confirmed by a blood test, but both pregnancies ends before week 8.
Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash
THE DIAGNOSIS
I am old.
I can’t run from that.
I know that I have 10-20% chance of getting pregnant because quality and quantity of eggs decreases as a woman age. It’s the luck of draw.
You don't know how it feels like when the doctor tells you what you know already. And scrolling the internet for possibilities when there is possible none, or am I just grasping at straws?
Or have women, even those who’s gone through IVF, give you that “look” once they found out how old you are. (could just be my story :) And you thought they'd understand you. And having friends and family around you getting pregnant.
So I thought I would talk about it, rather than avoid the elephant in the room.
That age makes a difference!! And in some ways it doesn’t because I don’t know what’s going on with the waters, but younger women are also diagnosed with DOR or Diminishing Ovarian Reserve!!??, which usually afflicts women my age.
1 in 8 couple have difficulty conceiving for whatever reason, they may have.
And still all us have hopes in our hearts. All of us are braving infertility to get what we want.
Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash
That sums of our journey this far. And i know some of you are curious on what's next for us - and what's next is being happy and trusting that we are on the right path.
But seriously, just send positive thoughts our way. That's all we need.
So we did 4 IVF cycles, so according to the JAMA study as mentioned above, my odds get better the more I do IVF. But the clock is ticking for me, and IVF is the only way for me to get pregnant. But then there was story back in 2019 about a miracle baby born to a woman who had both fallopian tubes removed.
Miracles can happen.
There's nothing I can do about my age. I don't have regrets as to marrying later in life, because I'm not who I am if not for my experiences, and we may not be able to afford IVF treatments back then.
But we just need one egg.
My gut feel says that I still have 10-20% chance and my period is still regular, so I trust that I AM FERTILE; MY BODY IS CAPABLE OF HEALING, and all I just need one egg. And so we will boom boom and insha-allah, who knows, anything is possible.
I also believe in the idea of a spirit baby, that there is one out there waiting for me, whether it comes in this lifetime or next - who knows.
I can’t pretend I’m okay but I know I’ll be okay.
If you are contemplating IVF or undergoing IVF , know that you're not alone. And you will be okay.
I hope this story that has been helpful. God knows it took me a long time to write this.
Deciding to do IVF is a big financial and emotional decision so give yourself time and grace to do what you need to do. Have an honest discussion with your partner, and do not be afraid to ask for support and even to speak to a marriage counsellor if needed, because both of you need to be on the same page.
I can suggest online forums for support, though I do try to stay away from them because the energy can be a little depleting. But it's a good start to “be with” people who gets you.
For local support group, you can follow Singapore IVF Support Group on facebook, where there is an option to ask a question anonymously or do a search for any topics.
For over 40s - you can follow this group, IVF and 40+ with own eggs
If you are after inspirations on Braving Infertility, you can join my facebook group or follow me on Instagram, but both platforms are work in progress, as I’m not sure where I want to go with them. Like this blog. :) But I’m getting there.
I also teach yoga and meditation every Tuesday night at 8pm SGT. So if you are in need of self-love and self-care - click here for more information.
And if you need to talk to someone, I’m here for a coffee or chat or hugs.
With Love
Sophie